From Sailing Scuttlebutt
Portsmouth, RI (April 1, 2015) – Due to the long term decline in sailing as a sport in the United States, US Sailing, the national governing body for the sport of sailing, has announced cost cutting measures to remain solvent with its current membership size.
No longer will the organization support youth sailing events, recognizing that the current youth sailing model is not growing the sport. “The pussification of our culture has made it easy on kids, so we felt it was time for US Sailing to stop contributing to this issue,” explained Jack Gierhart, Executive Director of US Sailing.
The organization has also revised its outlook on education. “While we have derived significant income for the instructional material we have devised, the feedback we have gotten from active sailors is that the sport is evolving into extinction,” said Training Director Stu Gilfillen. “We have learned that our effort to improve the sport has turned it into a dull game that fewer people want to play.”
Among the organization’s new pursuits, explains Gierhart, is online gaming. “We have partnered with a porn site, and by promoting virtual regattas, we anticipate creating a whole new level of interest in sailing.” Gierhart believes this partnership will generate new income that could take the organization to a new level.
Additionally, US Sailing will be sponsoring an America’s Cup boat comprised of US Sailing Team members. Given the Cup’s new commercial model, it is hoped that this campaign will fund the Olympic program while giving the athletes needed experience in sailing technical boats.
To support the newly formed syndicate, US Sailing will be moving their headquarters from Portsmouth, R.I. to Bermuda. “This is a great opportunity for us as an organization as well as for our potential Olympic athletes,” said Gierhart. “These New England winters have taken their toll on our staff. We want to reward their patience and hard work by improving their lifestyle with access to year-round sailing.”
Tags: April Fools